O que é isto?

O que é isto? É um post só de texto... AHHHHHHHHH run for your lives.

Pela primeira vez na vida d'A Refinaria, um post só de texto. Pode ser o princípio do fim.
Mas é um bom texto, principalmente porque não é meu.

“After ‘Before Midnight’”: A Short Screenplay

By DAN KOIS AND ALIA SMITH

INT. MOVIE THEATER – NIGHT
The credits roll. A couple sits watching, his hand on her knee. He surreptitiously wipes away a tear with his other hand.

HER: No flashbacks this time.
HIM: I guess they assumed we would watch the previous two movies in anticipation…
They walk down the aisle and he lingers in the doorway watching the credits.

HIM: Those little girls were played by real twins!
HER: When they make the next one they’ll be 16.
HIM: Ours will be 17 and 15.
HER: We’ll be forty-sev —
HIM: Shhhhh.
They walk through the hallway, him holding her arm. She smiles.

HIM: You need to go to the bathroom?
HER: Yeah.
HIM: I’ll be upstairs, staring at my phone.
He steps on the escalator.

CUT TO:

INT. MOVIE THEATER LOBBY – NIGHT
HER: Hey. Everything cool?
HIM: Everything’s cool.
They walk outside.
EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C., SIDEWALK – NIGHT
HIM: It’s still beautiful out! I feel like walking and talking about stuff for like an hour and a half.
HER: There’s a lot of pressure though from watching that movie.
HIM: I know, like, can we walk and talk as well as they did. Should we have a big fight, and you tell me you don’t love me?
HER: I cannot believe it took us so long to see this.
HIM: This is literally my job.
HER: Um, we lead busy lives. We have adorable children who need us.
HIM: They’re not French-speaking twins though.
HER: Yeah, that’s a bummer. But that is sort of what this movie is about! How life gets in the way and time passes and all of a sudden your ideas about things are obsolete.
HIM: Yeah.
HER: Ahh, I love her! I mean there are things about her that are sort of annoying, but I am so glad that there is that character!
HIM: Yes! Like just someone who feels like she has to argue about feminism a lot!
HER: Even though he mostly agrees with her. So there are a lot of ways that this couple is not unlike married couples we know, or are.
HIM: Or are.
HER: We battle a lot about who does what or who’s giving up what for who.
HIM: I wouldn’t say a lot.
HER: “Not infrequently.”
HIM: We’re basically on the same side!
HER: Basically, but I mean I still am the one who keeps the house clean.
HIM: It’s clean enough already!
HER: But there are no other characters who talk about this stuff in movies, ever.
HIM: So … we walked past the car, so, like, do you want to walk and talk?
HER: Oh, I totally missed it.
They turn around.
HIM: You were distracted by the camera, like, gliding in front of us.
HER: Right, on a golf cart or whatever.
HIM: Yeah, I’d like to know how he shoots that. Like, it doesn’t jiggle, but there are no rails for a Steadicam. I put the keys in your purse. In the side-
She rummages for the keys in her purse.
HER: Like –
HIM: No, inside the –
HER: You’re fired. Here they are.
She unlocks the car and he holds the door for her.
HER: Thanks!
He gets in and turns the car on.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Continuous shot from POV of hood of car as they drive through Washington across the Roosevelt Bridge, toward their suburban neighborhood.
HER: Do we know how the three of them wrote this? Do they just sit at a desk? Do they improvise scenes?
HIM: I don’t know. It feels really crafted.
HER: Does she write her and he writes him, you think?
HIM: Yeah, probably. Mostly. I mean they probably talk in character a little. And the director sort of shaping it into a real story.
HER: I mean I agreed with him most of the time, but I still love her.
HIM: Like agreed with – that she’s sort of crazy.
HER: She’s not crazy. Another thing though is that, I mean, she’s still a size six I’m sure, but I love that she just looks like a normal person.
HIM: She’s probably an eight.
HER: Oh, thank you. Whatever, you know what I mean, she’s gorgeous, of course.
Long pause.
HIM: You look great too!
HER: Ha, thanks.
HIM: But, like, weirdly, I thought he looked better than he did in the second movie.
HER: Yeah.
HIM: I mean he was not more – he had the same –
HER: He wasn’t worse.
HIM: Right. He didn’t have more lines, and his hair was better. He gained some weight.
HER: It softened his face a little.
HIM: O.K., one thing that he and I do not have in common –
HER: O.K., but for the record I have not said that you have things in common.
HIM: Well one thing I don’t agree with him on is I am not cool with you having an affair with, at a conference, or with your ex-boyfriend or whatever.
HER: That’s fine. I am not gonna hook up with Lech Walesa.
There’s quiet. A new song starts on the stereo.
HIM: I had a really good idea for nine years from now. Will you remind me?
HER: Put it on our Google calendar.
HIM: OK, but also remind me.
HER: OK.
HIM: When the next one of these movies is coming out I want to make a series of like 80-minute documentaries that are just the conversations couples have immediately after seeing the movie.
HER: Haha, sure.
HIM: Like just mount a camera here.
HER: Was it you who was telling me that she said she never thought they’d do a third one but now she thinks they’ll do more?
HIM: That sounds like something I would say.
HER: Like will they do one when they’re both 72 or whatever? If they’re still alive?
HIM: They better, oh my god. I want to be watching one with you when we’re both sixty—
HER: Shut up. Even if one of them dies I hope the other one—
HIM: But remind me of this idea! This movie gets people talking. They want to talk about things that matter.
HER: But there’s so much pressure!
HIM: Yes sure but I feel like I’m so conscious of myself talking to you now anyway after this movie, it’s already sort of like a performance. Not like to a camera but I’m performing a version of myself to you.
HER: Right.
HIM: So like if there was ever a time that a camera shooting me would change my behavior the least, this would be it.
HER: And sort of the movie’s about not just them but all the other people.
HIM: Right, like the other couples at the dinner.
HER: Or all those people in the café in the first one, all speaking their different languages.
HIM: Or the people arguing in the train at the very beginning of the first one! The old married couple!
HER: Oh yeah!
Pause.
HIM: The movie’s about us, kind of.
HER: Us?
HIM: Everyone who sees it. The royal Us.
HER: But still that’s a lot of pressure to say we’re going to talk for 80 minutes and it will be about life and art and oral sex for Eastern bloc leaders like they do, and it’ll be interesting.
HIM: We’ve had long interesting conversations before.
HER: When we were younger, sure. Who has time to do it now?
HIM: Well, Jesse and Celine don’t either. It takes, like, extraordinary circumstances for them to have this one.
HER: What’s our extraordinary circumstance?
HIM: Seeing these movies, I guess. We have one great conversation every nine years.
Long pause.
HER: I still think we would compare badly to them.
HIM: But that doesn’t matter! A lot of the things they say aren’t that interesting. It’s, like, what’s behind it that matters. Their love.
HER: Yeah!
HIM: What was with that couple who left like 45 minutes into the movie?
HER: Yeah, what were they expecting?
HIM: “I thought this one would be different!”
HER: “I thought in this one they’d finally fight Nazis!”
HIM: That’ll get a big laugh in the movie version.
HER: For sure.
HIM: You didn’t even say that, I just thought of it later and incorporated it in the script.
HER: It’s hard to remember everything I say when you’re sitting at your desk typing it later.
HIM: And to shape it into something that isn’t just haphazard improv. Like the way people talk in life is haphazard improv.
They park the car in the driveway. She looks for her wallet.
HER: She got here at 7, so…
HIM: Oh I don’t have any cash.
HER: None?
HIM: Oh I have ten. Oh wait plus twenty!
HER: We’re rich!
She counts out money.
HIM: People will love this part of the movie.
HER: The director would probably cut ahead.
HIM: To something more interesting. The big, romantic climax.
HER: Like after we pay the sitter and we both go to our computers to work.
HIM: Yeah, that’ll be amazing.

CUT TO:

INT. HOME OFFICE — NIGHT
They both sit at desks, typing on computers.
END